'Meant to be....'

One Year Ago

Today

I have wanted to write so much about the past year but life is so much busier (and richer) now. It's also just so hard to put into words all my thoughts. I came up with the title of this post based on something Claire told me on the way home from Texas. We were somewhere in New Mexico or Arizona staying one night in a hotel. We were swimming in the pool and Claire says to me “Mama, you know, Nicholas and I were meant to be brother and sister. We’re good brother and sister even if he wasn’t in your tummy.” Wow, isn’t that awesome?!

Exactly a year ago, we were arriving in America with one of its newest citizens, Nicholas Roma. I go back and look at those pictures and Nicholas looks so different. He just looks so shell shocked. Now, the first 6 months especially were very challenging with him, but he is doing so well and is so happy. I think he is resilient and a testament to how the human spirit can overcome a difficult start in life.

I will never forget the first day we came together as a family on September 12, 2009. All 3 of us were so jetlagged, but especially Nicholas. We arrived home to an empty house after the drive from LA. Nicholas was amazed at everything in our house and kept saying 'spaseeba' (thank you)over and over. At one point he was searching through the house while asking a question in Russian or Kazakh. He broke down in his room and all I could do was try to rock him and soothe him although we were trying to learn how we could best comfort him. It is so much different with an adopted child than a bio child. I managed to soothe him a bit and it was about this time that our friends arrived with our girls.

Well, when they arrived with their bags, Nicholas ran out to greet them on our walkway and hugged Claire like they were long lost brother and sister. Unfortunately I totally missed this special moment. He was so happy to see the girls, maybe he was worried he would be by himself. I can't imagine what was going through his mind and body when he first arrived. He is just so young to really comprehend what is happening. He started showing all the toys to the girls as if they were arriving for the first time, too, it was the funniest thing to see him say 'smotree' (look) and show all the toys. Claire kept saying 'I know that'!

In the very beginning, he was like a wild thing just getting into everything, throwing toys, overflowing the toilet, burning his fingers on the hot stove, exploding in tantrums, biting/kicking/spitting while I was trying to restrain him but at the same time he was amazed at new things like toys, airplanes in the sky, so much food, new foods like strawberries, tacos, sandwiches, fun parks, etc. At first he was stubborn about learning English and insisted on calling an airplane 'samolyot'. Of course, he had to learn English and he did learn so quickly!

Physically, Nicholas is very healthy. He has had some digestive issues as well as some other symptoms, though. This summer he went to an allergist who determined through a blood test that he is either allergic or has an intolerance to gluten. The doctor recommended a gluten/lactose free diet and since then he has not had the runny nose he used to have. In the past year he has grown at least 7 inches and put on about 4-5 pounds.

He has changed so much over the year he has been here, not just physically but also emotionally. More of his true personality emerges with time. Deep down we can see he is a caring and sweet boy. He truly wants to please us and is willing to learn. Every morning he is happy for another day and he enjoys going to preschool. He usually greets his teacher with big hugs and starts his day at school at full speed.

I am so glad we made the decision to send him to preK again this year as opposed to Kindergarten (in CA he would be eligible for Kindergarten since he turns 5 before December 1st). He is learning lots of social skills and enjoying more play time. I know he will not be as stressed to start Kindergarten in 2011 and will not have to struggle to catch up.

He has learned so much about living in America, a new language, living in a family, etc. He is not the only one to learn, as I feel like I have learned so much. I've learned about unconditional love, I've learned about real parenting, I've learned about dysregulation and regulation and I've learned about the resiliency of children. And I've learned how, oh, how different boys are from girls. It's a whole other world!

During our challenges, I have tried to access all the resources I could find. I've relied on other adoptive parents, adoption and parenting books, our pastor, counselors and friends. We are lucky Nicholas qualified for the 0-5 years program at a local guidance clinic. He just began a weekly social skills class based on 'The Incredible Years' curriculum for early intervention. I think we have also been fortunate that he has had 2 really great teachers at his preschool. Nothing can completely prepare you for this journey but for adoptive parents out there, keep an open mind, read different types of adoption books, learn about attachment parenting, talk to other adoptive parents.

We are definitely settling into our new normal and can't imagine our lives any different!

One Year Ago Today

THEN!


I can't believe it was a year ago that my hubby and I were celebrating our 10 year anniversary in Almaty, Kazakhstan. It is the day we also started bonding with our son, Nicholas (then called Roma). He has been home 9 months and it has been filled with many challenges and many joys. He is teaching us about how the human spirit can overcome challenges and he continues to teach us about parenting! Some days and weeks can be rough when he is dysregulated and angry, then he can turn around and become so sweet and loving and joyful about life. I hope with time that we will see his sweet and funny personality more and more.

He is so bright! His speech and vocabulary amazes everyone when they find out he has only been here 9 months. Some people do not realize he was adopted internationally. He is always trying to figure out how things work. He will study a toy car's tire to see how it spins or as last night at Olivia's ballet recital, he was trying to figure out which lights were pointed to different points on stage. He is interested in books and words and is definitely pre-reading, although, he would rather build with blocks, or play a video game, or build guns or watch a movie. He is still very active, although I'm not sure he is hyperactive as he was diagnosed in Kazakhstan. Rather he is hypervigilent, especially in new situations and around new people.

The girls really love Nicholas and for Claire he has become a playmate. I have noticed recently that Nicholas wants to stay near me. When we went to the beach, he and Claire would play near the water for awhile while I watched and kept calling them to stay nearby. Then Nicholas wanted to dig in the sand but near me. He also comes to find me in the house to show me something or to see what I'm doing, I know this is a sign of him 'checking in' with me. We have developed a deep level of trust and I can tell he has bonded well with all of us. I think we are fortunate that he only spent about 10 months in the babyhouse, he must have bonded closely with his birthmother sometime before that.

He is a great little traveler. When we go on trips, he gets so excited and he is getting better about staying close to us when we go to places where there are crowds. Although he has gotten better, he is not at a place where he can go to Disneyland yet. The girls miss it since we used to go a lot, but maybe one of us can take the girls just for one day. We know Nicholas will love Disneyland, but it would be too much for him and too stressful for him (well, us, too) at this point. Hopefully within the next year we will see more improvement.

He has been in summer preschool at his same preschool but he had some difficulty with this transition. I think it was especially hard that his teacher left on vacation as he became attached to her. She was so good with him, but he will see her when school starts again. Although she is a fabulous preschool teacher, I think it will be good for him to have a different teacher. He needs to learn that he will have different people in his life and he will move on when he goes off to Kindergarten after another year of preschool.

With the end of the school year, hubby and I took a much needed weekend away together while his parents stayed with the kids. With that and the transition to summer preschool, Nicholas had a really hard time. The grandparents stayed for a few days and then left, but came back about a week later with the kids' cousin who stayed for several days. Nicholas got into trouble a lot at school for biting and hitting and one incident of spitting. We focused on what he can do when he gets mad and that he absolutely has to share and take turns. Maybe this was a step back, but things have gotten better again after our visitors left and he continues to move forward.

We are looking forward to having a fun summer of camps, trips and of just enjoying our backyard pool and playdates.

NOW!

4 months update

Wow, I can't believe we have been a family of 5 for 4 months now and it's time for another update ( I will post pictures in a different post, after all, that's really why you check my blog, right???). The time has gone by fast. We are all doing well. Nicholas is very happy and has been really growing. He is now about a size 4, up from about a size 2 when we first met him. He looks so much healthier in relation to his age. He started preschool last week and will attend from 9am to 1pm Monday through Friday. He really likes his teacher and he had fun as they have things he enjoys during free play. He is also learning to follow direction and rules and how to play with other children.

Yesterday afternoon, after the girls finished their homework, Nicholas wanted to work on a perler bead project. This is an activity that really helps with fine motor skills, something he needs to improve. He kept asking for help over and over and since I was helping Olivia with her homework, I told him Claire could help. He didn't want Claire's help, he kept asking for me over and over to help. I finally told him he needed to start it, do as much as he can and then I would help. Well, I was astonished that he continued to stay focused on this task and finished all by himself! I am so proud of him. Claire also did a perler bead project and I'm so proud she even did a nice pattern on the flower instead of just random colors. Olivia (with just a little help from mom) made a Panda out of polymer clay for her teacher's birthday. It turned out really cute and she really did most of the work on it.

I am reflecting back on the last 4 months and to be honest, there have been difficult moments. The beginning was rough as I compare Nicholas to an alien having been dropped into our planet. Can you imagine being almost 4 and being taken away from everything you know even if it wasn't that great there? The food in your new home is all different, the language is all different, the rules are all different and you don't understand anything. All you know is this nice Mama and Papa are taking you for a plane ride and you will be living with them. And they are not always nice because they don't let you eat apples all day and they tell you 'no' a lot. Will you have to go back to the babyhouse? Why are you going for a ride in the car? What is going to happen next?

Everything was so new to Nicholas and in the beginning there were a lot of tantrums, I mean kicking, biting, spitting tantrums that lasted for a long time and often. There was also a lot of turning on and off of lights, discovering the refrigerator, stove, faucets, and other appliances. We had to really babyproof our house again, putting dangerous things away, decluttering, finding ways to lock up cabinets. I really worried about day to day things during the beginning, like how was I going to take a shower and get ready, what about taking the girls to and from school, getting to the grocery store, etc. In the beginning, I locked the door to our master bedroom and closed the girls's doors as there was still a lot of things he could get in to and we also had to make sure our house doors were childproof. I ended up taking a shower and getting ready in the kids bathroom while I had Nicholas watch a Baby Einstein video for about 20 minutes.

Now, he understands more of what his boundaries are and I think it was important to work not only on bonding but on boundaries and what is expected. We also had to teach him toilet 'etiquette', turning on/off lights, water, etc. while building our bond and trust with him. I feel so lucky that we had so many friends help us out in the beginning with offers of help with the girls, meals, offers of getting groceries for us. This is what we needed the most, more than new toys or clothes for Nicholas. We needed help just so we could focus on Nicholas and really be there for him during this huge transition for him.

It's so amazing to think back to 4 months and look at Nicholas now, playing happily by himself, happily sometimes with Claire, playing with his buddy, having fun experiencing new things like Christmas, parties, trips with a stay in a hotel, etc. He is just so happy. He is also a very sweet and loving boy. A parent from his school told me he accidentally kicked a ball in her chest as she walked through the playground and he ran up to her and told her 'Are you okay? I'm so sorry!'. There are still challenges as the times when he is defiant and tells us 'no' just to say 'no' but we are working on that. Hubby and I have had to struggle with parenting, adjust our strategy and it has been stressful but we love each other and our kids and we strive to make it all work. I feel lucky and blessed to have such a wonderful family, kids who want to contribute to our family, kids who who are eager to learn and who are loving and a husband who is involved and supportive of all of us. I also feel we are blessed to have so many friends, church friends, family and even strangers supporting us through their prayers for us.

More pictures of the apartment in Almaty

Pictures of the inside of the apartment. As we open the door, the bathroom is directly in front. To the right was the kitchen, eating nook and continuing past that was the bedroom where we slept. If we made a left from the entrance, there was an extra room which is where Nicholas slept and played. There was a TV which offered a wide variety of shows in Russian. Occasionally we came across American cartoons in English or the discovery channel.

Bathroom:
Extra room (a.k.a Nicholas' bedroom and playroom)
Our bedroom:
Kitchen:
Eating nook:
The apartment was comfortable enough. The kitchen was fairly equipped with a handful of pots and pans and utensils, plates, cups. There was a small but adequate refrigerator. There was a microwave, stove and oven. I wish we had brought more tupperware type containers. I ended up buying a set there and it was pricey. I never could figure out the oven, so I just cooked everything on the stove or in the microwave. There was no washer and dryer so one night I washed some things in the tub and we used a clothing line and clothespins (which I brought) to hang the clothes. We also used plastic hangers, these actually came in handy on all our trips as there wasn't enough in the hotel to hang everything and we used these to dry clothes, too. All the things I had read about the towels were true, they were a bit rough and worn. I don't remember the sheets as too uncomfortable despite everything I read about the sheets .

Our apartment was in a really great location near most everything. It was close to the Silkway mall, there was a small grocery store nearby and the Green Market was about a 20 minute walk. The walk to Panfilov park was about 20 minutes but it seemed longer when we had Nicholas with us. The Mamma Mia restaurant was around the corner from the apartment. It was also pretty close to TSUM otherwise called The Central Department Store which has a great selection of souvenirs on the very top floor.

Entering our apartment in Almaty

Notice the difference in the various height between steps? We saw that all over the city and forget being accessible to people with wheelchairs, etc. We were on the top floor, no elevator, I think it was the 4th or 5th floor.

What a difference 2 months makes!

Wow, it's 2 months already?! It's amazing how much things change with some love, nutrition and time. To the girls, he is their little brother. To us, his parents, he is our son.

Nicholas is starting to call himself Nicholas sometimes or Nicholas Roma. We are getting used to his new name, too. His English is coming along and I even hear him spouting off some of our letters and sounds (thank you Leap Frog Letter Factory!!). He is really into counting things, constantly pointing things out to me and showing me how he can count. He is very much a boy, but has been playing in the play kitchen and occasionally with dolls (gasp!...lol!). I think it's great he has a variety of things to play with, from trains, to building blocks, to Dora figures. He loves play doh and can play with it for at least 30 minutes at a time. Same thing with some of the building blocks we have. His brain is like a sponge and he is just so eager to learn everything that he has missed out on.

We are seeing more and more of his personality come out. He is a sweet, loving boy with occasional stubborn streaks. Just today he was giving me hugs while he was riding in the shopping cart at the store and saying 'I love you'...an amazingly sweet moment! We have been trying different things for discipline and are finally able to use timeouts at the moment. Most of the time he likes to please us and he is compliant and even says 'okay dokey' when asked to do things, sometimes, he shouts out 'No!' and is stubborn. It is all a learning process as we get to know each other and figure out what will work.

Some of his favorite things:
Being tickled, riding his tricycle, drawing outside with chalk, going to the park, playing soccer, playing with Trio blocks, playing with toy airplanes and helicopters, watching tv (mostly Disney and Dora), riding in the car, going to the gym (Kids Zone while I work out), shopping at Costco (eating their samples).

He says he wants to go to school but he's not quite ready. I'm hoping to get him in after the holidays. He has come so far from when we first met him. I remember him trying to play in the visiting room and he would pound on the electronic toys trying to figure them out. Now he knows how to play with toys and he just built a robot by himself for the first time with the Trio blocks! I am so proud of him. He has also learned to use scissors. He is learning to color and the other day, he traced a ball and colored it in...amazing!

We are so blessed to have him in our family, we are teaching him a lot, but I think he has a lot to teach us, too, about love, acceptance and trust.

Holiday Dilemma

So normally we travel by car several hours away to stay with extended family a few days for the Thanksgiving holiday. The girls love seeing their teenage girl cousins and we enjoy spending time with relatives and doing fun things with the girls. But the girls are used to this and they enjoy all our travels. Now, Nicholas is acclimating very well to our immediate family and to short outings, but we just don't know how he would do on a trip where everything will be different and his routine will be disrupted.

Dad wants to stay at relative's house for 1-2 nights and maybe another relative's house. I've thought about just the girls going with their dad (they are his family) but they don't want to go without me or Nicholas. So here are our options:
A. Forget about it, stay home
B. Go for one day, stay one night at relatives house and come back
C. Go for it, it will be good practice, just high tail it out of there if it is too stressful

Now, I don't know if this is an option, but I think staying in a hotel would be better as there are less things for Nicholas to 'get into'. And if things are stressful, we can take him back to the hotel, and do calming things, like swimming, watching favorite dvds, etc.

Oh and I should add he sleeps pretty well at home in his bed in his own room and we have his night time routine down well. We do still give him an herbal supplement to help him relax for bedtime though and I think he is a light sleeper. I can't even think how we would do sleeping arrangements...

So, I would love to hear some feedback from some other adoptive parents of older children. Please tell me what your experience is or what you think about this.

Not much time

I haven't had much time to myself this week. Poor Olivia has been sick with some virus, she has missed 3 days of school and it's been hard to be cooped up with an active boy. We've been stuck at home watching too much television. There have been hard times and good times. It's hard attending to everyone's needs as I have to make sure Olivia is getting well, Nicholas is vying for my attention all the time and Claire gets jealous. This afternoon was a really bright moment as Claire and Nicholas were getting along well. Claire was drawing rockets and coloring them for Nicholas. She cut out one so Nicholas wanted to cut out the other one and he did pretty well. I'm not sure if he ever had experience with scissors.

Earlier this week, I took Nicholas down south to see an international adoption doctor. We spent almost 3 hours with the doctor. His report was overall positive and in fact, he was very impressed with how well Nicholas was doing after only being here for 2 weeks. Some things we have to work on are teaching him how to play with other children (sharing and taking turns), eating and drinking slower, reducing undesirable behaviors (whining, demanding, tantrums). Wow, the teaching is hard work, I was consciously trying to show him how to wait his turn for a toy and how to share toys. I've also been making a more concerted effort to sit with him during meals and encourage him to eat slower and also make eye contact while eating as I've read that can help with bonding. He is attaching well to us and I think it has been extremely beneficial to keep him away from overstimulating situations.

It's finally here...

The paint is dry, the curtains are hung, now we are just waiting for our little boy. We are leaving soon to bring him home. Sorry to say I will be incommunicado during this trip since I will not be bringing my laptop. We aren't sure of the internet connection in the apartment and I think I'm going to be too busy chasing a little boy to have time to surf the internet. The next few weeks will be tough with travel and transitions.

We've 'tried' to keep his room low-key, but we've been given some new clothes and toys along with the hand-me-downs. And of course, we have a whole other room full of toys that I've tried to put away... It looks better but there are still lots of toys. Our family room is really a 'play room' with a kitchen, play food, kids' work bench equipped with tools, lots of games on the shelves as well as arts and crafts supply. We have a tv in there where the kids and dad play the wii occasionally. (Mom is usually cleaning, cooking,doing laundry or knitting)

I would like to post more, but so much to do...gotta finish cleaning and packing. Oooops didn't realize it was going to be cold there (cold for us Californians, that is) so now I have to rethink the clothes!

Preparing to Adopt an Older Child

I think I'll take this opportunity to tell you what we are doing to prepare for an older child. So far I've read the following books: The Connected Child, Attaching in Adoption, and Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child. I like the positive approach of The Connected Child, I felt like it offered more hope to the parent that attaching to an older child is possible, it also gave real advice on how to handle certain circumstances. I think I will take bits and pieces from all of the books so I'm glad I read them all. The last one I read I think will be more useful as children approach middle elementary age and older when they start to ask more questions about who they are. I also have Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control which I haven't had time to read but have heard good things about it.

Here is an excellent article on attachment that I found at the University of Minnesota International Adoption website: Attachment.

I wholeheartedly agree with most of the article and we hope to follow most of the recommendations. For instance, we are planning to 'lay low' for the beginning, but I'm not sure how long that will be. I'm fortunate that I will have time to be with Nicholas one-on-one so that I can show him I am his only mama and help him with his English. I think it would be impossible for us to follow to the letter every recommendation because the girls have school and activities throughout the week, I will be shuttling them back and forth from school and ballet.

I will wait to enroll Nicholas in a preschool program but am thinking about starting after the first of the year. At that point, I need to have time to help out in Olivia and Claire's classes and give them the time they need. I plan to send him to the same Montessori that the girls attended. I've always felt the structure of the Montessori school was good for them and it will be a good experience for him to be in a mixed age class.

I've read this and was given this advice. We have to think of Nicholas as an alien being brought from his planet to ours. Everything will be so different than he knows. The climate will be different, the food, the sounds, the smells, the people and the language. What he really needs is time, time to learn about his new planet and time to enjoy being a kid.

A Note to our friends and family: We know that you want to get to know Nicholas and to love on him like we do, but right now it's most important for him to know that his mom and dad are the ones that take care of him. We ask you not to pick him up or hug him or give him gifts or food without our permission. We should be the ones offering him comfort, offering him food, etc. What he really needs his family and time to adjust.

Preparing for trip#3

We found out this week that the adoption decree is official, so now our coordinator is finalizing all the paperwork and sending off for our son's Kazakhstan passport. Nicholas Roman is officially our son and we will be heading back for him in a couple of weeks!

You may have noticed that we have been calling him Roman, yet named him Nicholas Roman. His given name is Roman, yet I also realized recently that most of the kids called him Roma and we found in some of his paperwork that he was called Roma, the shortened version of his name. We do like his name but also we like Nicholas which is more American. We plan to call him Nicholas Roma and Roma for a while to see if he would like the name Nicholas. It's actually hard to think of calling him Nicholas after all the time we spent with him. If he doesn't take to the name Nicholas then we will probably just stick with Roman or Roma.

As you can see, we have been 'nesting' in preparation for Nicholas' arrival. We still have to paint the trim in his room and finish preparing his room. We have been spring cleaning and trying to organize our house so it's not so cluttered. We really don't want to overstimulate him, so although I would love to buy every truck, ball, and boy toy for him, I know that's not the best. What he really needs is our time and not things.

I've also spent lots of time reading parenting books and communicating with other adoptive parents in hopes of preparing ourselves for an older child. To be honest, I have had my ups and downs about everything. You know, we were open to having an older child, however, we were not prepared. Some days I feel confident and joyous about bringing Nicholas Roman into our family, other days I truly am scared about all the changes about to happen in our family. I am fortunate to communicate with other parents who adopted older children who point out that it is our son who will face the most changes as he is leaving the place that was his home for the last year, he is also leaving his country and his language behind. He is a brave little boy.

Between trips we have also been helping to prepare our girls. First, we have been trying to spend some quality time together as a family, second, we have just been having fun. Also, since we will have friends take care of the girls during this last trip, the girls just had their first sleepovers as a trial run. They had a great time, I can say it was a success. They were so worn out they both took long naps the last 2 days. We are so grateful for our friends for taking care of Olivia and Claire, we know they will be well taken care of and will have the company of their friends, too, in case they become sad.

A few pictures from Trip #2

On our way to Almaty!

View of TV tower from our hotel room.

Beautiful view from Kok Tobe.

View from cable car on our way back down from Kok Tobe.

Juvenile Court House

Parents of Nicholas Roman!

Donating diapers and fruit to the babyhouse:


Enjoying our last visit with Roman:

Friday, July 31

We are at Coffedelia enjoying a snack and the wifi so I thought I would make a last post from Almaty. By the way the food at Coffedelia is yummy, much better than Segrefredo which is a coffee shop closer to the hotel.

We had our last visit with Roman today. On the way to the Babyhouse, we stopped and bought 16 packages of diapers to donate. We also stopped at a small green market nearby to buy 10 kilos of local apples and 2 bunches of bananas to donate, too. We were running a little late, so Roman was waiting for us to arrive.

There was an Italian couple bonding with a baby in the play room, so we had to share the space. This is a little hard to do because Roman can be indiscriminately affectionate as he doesn’t understand that he has only 1 mama and 1 papa. I brought my apple slicer so he shared his 2 apples with us and even attempted to share with the other family. When there is another baby in the room, he always tries to offer a toy to the baby. We played with the toys for a while then went outside to kick the small ball. We also played with bubbles for a little while too. He seems to have caught some sort of cold, as he has had a bit of a cough and runny nose while we are here but it sure didn’t slow him down! We learned that there is something going around in his group.

It was time to go too soon and say ‘paka’ good bye. He was ready to go for lunch. He doesn’t understand everything that is happening right now. We plan to leave a small photo album for him with pictures of the girls and pictures of us in it so hopefully he won’t forget. It's bittersweet leaving because he doesn't understand and we will worry but we have our girls waiting for us back home.

It looks like we will make our final trip back the first or second week of September which is later than we expected. We knew we had to be home the week of August 24th though since that is the first day of school for the girls...trying to balance the needs of everyone in our family can be hard. We learned that after the 15 day waiting period, our agency will apply for Roman's Kazakhstan passport and it takes time for all the paperwork to get done about 1-2 weeks. I'm sad Roman has to wait so long, but kind of glad so we can get into some sort of routine while school is in session. We also have lots to do around the house, decluttering (BIG job), organizing, babyproofing (yes,that's right babyproofing so Roman doesn't get into anything he shouldn't), fixing up his room, etc.

Thanks to everyone for all your comments, support and encouragement, while I read every single comment, I just don't have time to respond to each one...again thank you so much for commenting!

Thursday, July 30th

It’s official! We are proud parents of a new son, Nicholas Roman. We had court this morning at 10 am in which the judge approved our application for adoption. We were so nervous and didn’t sleep well the night before. Everything is more stressful than I imagined. We left our hotel early and arrived at the juvenile court house around 9:30am, so we had to wait for everyone to show up. In Kazakhstan, adoptions are a closed hearing and only parties involved attend the hearing. The hearing is not held in a court room, but inside the judge’s modest office. We were assigned to the new young female judge. There are 2 other judges, one ‘good’ and one ‘bad’, fortunately our judge seemed ‘good’ and very positive. The court is in the process of moving to another building and will apparently have another 4th judge.

At our hearing, there were 9 people, including us. There was the judge, very serious and young in a deep red robe sitting at her desk; to her left was her secretary taking notes by hand; to her right was the prosecutor who was dressed in a uniformed shirt. Sitting around the room around us was the district representative, the representative for the babyhouse, our translator, Galina, and our facilitator, Tatyana.

The start of the court hearing began by listing all the individuals attending the hearing and reading our rights. Then the judge started to ask questions, beginning with my hubby. He had to tell our reasons for the adoption and make a request for the adoption, to request the name changes and request a change for the birth date. The judge asked questions as to why we wanted to adopt in Kazakhstan, about our education, jobs, discipline, how we handle disagreements as a married couple, how involved is my hubby with the kids, asked why we don’t have another biological child, what are our responsibilities as parents, how the girls are reacting to this adoption, who is taking care of them while we are here, etc. The judge and prosecutor asked why we wanted to change the birth date. We told them it was for school so that Roman would have more time to learn English and acclimate and it was important to us because of the school cut off in California which is December 1st. At this point we learned there is a law that this can only be done if the child is under the age of 3. We were disappointed by this, especially me, but of course that would not affect our decision to adopt.

After this, the representatives from the district and the babyhouse each had a turn to make statements recommending our application for adoption. After this everyone abruptly stands up and we exit the office. Because our application included the request for a birth date change, we had to handwrite a statement that we wanted to make our adoption application with no change in the birth date, which is October 5, 2005. Galina translated this request and presented the papers to the office. Then we were all ushered back into the judge’s office where our adoption of Roman was made official. We told the judge and prosecutor, as well as the representatives, ‘spaseeba’ or thank you in Russian and we left the room and court house.

After this, Tatyana took us out to lunch with her driver, Dimitri, and Galina for a celebratory lunch. We went to a restaurant not far from the hotel and shared shashlick (shish kebabs).

We were not able to visit Roman today as we were told they were cleaning and the babyhouse is closed. So tomorrow, we plan to buy some fruit to give to the babyhouse and we have been asked to buy diapers as part of our donation to the babyhouse. The rest of our donation will be pooled with other families to buy some new furniture for the babyhouse. Tomorrow we will visit Roman as his new Mama and Papa.

Wednesday, July 29th

Although I still woke up about 4 in the morning, I was determined to be positive today after the bad day we had yesterday. My mantra today was ‘it will be a good day…it will be a good day’…and it was. We had a good visit with Roman this morning. We were told he was asking for us since 9 in the morning and he ran to us this morning when we arrived. Thankfully Galina was with us this morning as she is really great with helping us with Roman especially since she knows some Kazak. Most of our visit went really well. Roman did have a couple of fits of anger over something he wanted or wanted to do, but we managed to get past it and have fun. He is so active that I actually broke out in a sweat trying to keep up with him. The language barrier makes it hard to connect with him but despite this, he gave me several hugs today. He seems to thrive on the love and attention we give him.

When I watch him, sometimes he looks like a 4 or 5 year old in his face, but he is the size of a 2 year old and many times exhibits behavior much like a 2 year old. He also exhibits the independence of a much older child which is due to living in an orphanage, sadly kids are pushed to be on their own much sooner than children in a family. I feel sad he has had to live in an orphanage and learn survival skills to live there.

It gets really boring being in the same play room all the time, especially on days like today where it is raining. Today we brought a mega blocks truck from home and he seemed to really enjoy building a house and playing with the other blocks. It’s so funny that he was so into kicking the ball the last time we were here or rolling the ball on the ground and now he is not as interested. We did a little bowling with some of the plastic bowling pins and balls…well, Roman did anyway. Then he used the bowling pins to bat a little ball back and forth with us.

Roman does laugh a lot when we tickle him or Papa throws a ball from behind his back and head. Roman finds the latter especially funny!

After our visit, we headed to the Green Market to buy a few last souvenirs and some flat bread. We are hoping to make another trip there on Friday to stock up on flat bread to bring home. Afterwards we just had snacks and relaxed in our room. Then around 4 we decided to take the cable car up to Kok Tobe which is up a hill near the large TV tower. It was a really nice excursion; we didn’t realize there was so much up there. There are a few restaurants, snack places, shops, and lots of activities for children even including a mini zoo. There are lots of trees and places to walk and enjoy the view looking down on Almaty. It is also quite peaceful. It ended up being a beautiful afternoon, too, sunny with a slight breeze.

Tuesday, July 28th

I am still jetlagged as I woke up at 4am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I tossed and turned for over an hour and gave up. I decided to read and then I went for a walk around 6:45am. As we were getting ready to go down for breakfast, we realized our hotel room door would not lock! So as I went on to breakfast, my hubby called to the desk. Someone was sent up to help him move into a different room. I felt like it was an upgrade since it included more furniture, it has 2 chairs and 2 nightstands!

So this morning we headed off to the Babyhouse for a 10am visit with Roman. When we arrived, Maigul and Tatyana showed us to the music room where we have never been. Apparently there is another family supposed to meet in the play room. I looked around the room, it’s nicer than the play room where we usually spend our visits, however I noticed there were only ‘baby’ toys…no balls, no cars which Roman likes to play with. Maigul went to get Roman but he refused to go to the ‘new’ room and ran to the other room.

To be honest, today was a difficult day. I feel like we made such strides during our bonding period, but it’s like starting all over…like 2 steps forward, 1 step back. He loves the matchbox airplane set we got him, but he has already thrown a huge tantrum about wanting to take it outside and he was MAD he didn't get his way. We managed to get him outside with promise of some bubbles. Today he wasn’t interested much in playing ball with us like he was during our first trip, he was more interested in sneaking berries off a bush and playing in the Little Tikes playhouse. We only get such limited time with him, we really don’t know him enough. And it's so hard with the language barrier. He forgot all the English he learned when we were last here. I wonder what he will be like when we get him home. Will he be a lot different? How often will he have a tantrum? Will he be the happy guy we left after our 2 week bonding period?

Monday, July 27th

We arrived to Almaty late Sunday night and got settled in our hotel room. Monday, we mostly waited for a call and rested from our travels. We also went to the supermarket to stock up on water and a few snacks. We were able to go to the Babyhouse at 4pm to visit Roman for only an hour. Roman remembered us, but it’s hard that we have been gone for so long, it’s like starting all over again. Galina talked to Maigul while we were gone and told us Roman missed us and wanted us to visit.

Thank yous!

We would like to thank everyone who has helped us along the way. There are so many... With help from friends and the community we were able to raise $1000 plus change for our donation to the Babyhouse! We will be making this donation on our 2nd trip and will keep you posted. We also couldn't have done this without my hubby's parents as they drove here for both our trips and took care of the girls. It's alot of work to take care of a 4yr old and 7 yr old! Thanks to all the friends that lent us DVD's for our trips! It's nice having something English to watch while hanging out in the hotel room. And we can't forgot those of you who have been praying for us during this journey, it has lifted us up knowing friends are thinking of us and praying for us.

Our 2nd trip

So tomorrow on July 25th, we are setting off for Kazakhstan again. This time we will merely be there one week. I've really enjoyed the break from blogging and have enjoyed spending time with the girls and having fun swimming while trying to beat the heat (100-111 degree temps).

During the break, I've also checked out several books from the library about adoption. I finished reading 'The Connected Child' and I'm currently reading 'Attaching in Adoption'. I have alot more thoughts and feelings about everything, but one thing is for sure is that this will help me to become a better parent.

Since returning, I have felt like I'm caught between 2 different worlds. There is the really comfortable one where I spend time with the girls, referee their fights, have fun with them, take care of them and then there is the one in a whole other world where I'm jetlagged, eating different foods, hearing a different language, getting to know a little boy who will become our son, living in a different culture with a bunch of strangers.

I'm struggling thinking about all the changes about to happen, changes for us as parents, changes for the girls, changes in our day to day living, but I just wish we could start already. It's agony having everything so drawn out while we wait for bureaucracy to creep along.

We have a Date

We were stunned to find out how quickly we received a court date. The date is set for July 30th and we have to arrive by the 28th to prepare so we are leaving in a week again for Kazakhstan.

We had expected to have several weeks to rearrange things in our house, paint Roman's room. It seems like we just got home! I was also looking forward to spending some quality time with the girls, looks like we only have a week and I know the time before our 3rd trip will go very quickly.