Preparing to Adopt an Older Child

I think I'll take this opportunity to tell you what we are doing to prepare for an older child. So far I've read the following books: The Connected Child, Attaching in Adoption, and Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child. I like the positive approach of The Connected Child, I felt like it offered more hope to the parent that attaching to an older child is possible, it also gave real advice on how to handle certain circumstances. I think I will take bits and pieces from all of the books so I'm glad I read them all. The last one I read I think will be more useful as children approach middle elementary age and older when they start to ask more questions about who they are. I also have Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control which I haven't had time to read but have heard good things about it.

Here is an excellent article on attachment that I found at the University of Minnesota International Adoption website: Attachment.

I wholeheartedly agree with most of the article and we hope to follow most of the recommendations. For instance, we are planning to 'lay low' for the beginning, but I'm not sure how long that will be. I'm fortunate that I will have time to be with Nicholas one-on-one so that I can show him I am his only mama and help him with his English. I think it would be impossible for us to follow to the letter every recommendation because the girls have school and activities throughout the week, I will be shuttling them back and forth from school and ballet.

I will wait to enroll Nicholas in a preschool program but am thinking about starting after the first of the year. At that point, I need to have time to help out in Olivia and Claire's classes and give them the time they need. I plan to send him to the same Montessori that the girls attended. I've always felt the structure of the Montessori school was good for them and it will be a good experience for him to be in a mixed age class.

I've read this and was given this advice. We have to think of Nicholas as an alien being brought from his planet to ours. Everything will be so different than he knows. The climate will be different, the food, the sounds, the smells, the people and the language. What he really needs is time, time to learn about his new planet and time to enjoy being a kid.

A Note to our friends and family: We know that you want to get to know Nicholas and to love on him like we do, but right now it's most important for him to know that his mom and dad are the ones that take care of him. We ask you not to pick him up or hug him or give him gifts or food without our permission. We should be the ones offering him comfort, offering him food, etc. What he really needs his family and time to adjust.