I think I had a dream yesterday that Nicholas Roma was the perfect child. We had a great day. After taking the girls to school, I took him to the walk/bike path. I walked for about 20-30 minutes while he rode in the jogger stroller. Afterwards I took him to the nearby playground where he played for about an hour and even played well with another 3 year old boy. All day, he kept asking "Where's Papa?" " Where's Claire? Sissy?"
He ate pretty well, I even took him with me to pick up the girls from school. It was a little much when we went to get Claire. There were a ton of people (parents and kids) waiting outside her class. The rest of the day went well with all the kids playing well together and even Nicholas sharing a toy and being so sweet to Claire when she wanted to join him. When it was time for bed, it wasn't too difficult, he didn't put up much of a fuss.
I slept in the same room again and he woke up a couple of times. I asked if he needed C M (potty in Kazak), but he said no...I'm not sure what he wanted so I just put him back to bed. He did wake up early around 6pm. This is where the dream ended.
From the get go, things just did not go well today. Claire and Nicholas fought over a toy, right after I took a picture of them playing nicely. And the rest of the day just got worse. He had tantrums all day and over little things. Sometimes it was because I told him 'no', sometimes it was because I needed to hold him for a 'time-in' because he threw something, and sometimes it was just because he was frustrated and didn't understand (how the toy worked, that the dvd takes a while to load, etc.). I thought maybe his behavior was a sign he needed a nap, so I tried to put him down for a nap...for an hour, then I had to give up because the girls came home.
I'm really hoping it's just from overstimulation from being around too many people or it's from being tired. I sure hope tomorrow is better, especially since he has his appointment with our pediatrician.
I would even describe him as Jekell and Hyde, one moment he could be really sweet, the next a terror. I'm not sure if this is his personality or post institutional behavior or a combination of things. I'm sure glad we have an appointment with an international adoption specialist because I'm just not sure if I'm handling the tantrums appropriately.
As for attachment, I think this is going well, he seems really attached to all of us and is shy around strangers. He hugs and kisses me alot sometimes too strongly. And even though I can be stern with him, he still hugs on me. We practice making faces for 'happy', 'sad', 'mad', and 'scared' and when we practice the 'mad' face, I think he worries because he wants to hug me right after that.
5 comments:
Katherine--hang in there! As someone with a bio son who has definite Jekyll and Hyde tendancies too, I know how frustrating it can be. Although he has now outgrown most of the tantrums, I just never, ever knew if I dealt with them correctly. I can only imagine what Nicholas is trying to process in his head and heart from all the changes. Prayers to ALL of you! It is so great to hear about the high, low and in-between times from you! --Kara
Thank you for honesty Katherine. I hope you get the answers you need from the doctor. Even with my bio daughter Emma, we employed the use of a family therapist a few years back to help us deal with anxiety she had a few years back. it's improved as she got older, but the therapy/parenting moderator helped me properly deal with it, for surely I had not encountered it before. Thanks for keeping it real, thanks for being open. It takes a village and surely your outreach to doctors and those in the adoption community will assure you that you are doing a great job. Much hugs!
Here's hoping the dream days are true glimpses of what is in him and will emerge with all your loving care.
STeph
Thanks for the updates!! You are doing awesome and being so attentive to all of your kids' needs right now. It will take time for things to really be in routine. It felt like it took 6 - 8 weeks to be 'okay' and about 6 months to feel like we were all on the same page all the time. With regressions here & there. Time, patience, love & help from professionals where needed :) Hang in there!!
-Julie
Katherine,
It sounds like things are going very 'normal', or as expected for the first week home. I know this is far from the normal you want, and it will change for the better! There is so much learning and teaching going on right now, Nicholas will get it, and from the sounds of it you are doing great. Reaching out to the IA doc is a great idea, and reassurrance you are doing everything possible and in the best interest for your family. I love what Julie said above about the timing. So true.
keep us posted on the progress, and hopefully the likes will continue to out number the dislikes :-)
Julie C.
Our Nicholas will still hug too hard at times. Funny, wonder why?
It is such a transition for everyone! I think we definitely underestimated the power of overstimulation! We now know when the overstim is happening and can avoid.....thank goodness! :)
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