Thursday, May 14, 2009

Thoughts about our family

I've thought a lot about our child we will be bringing home from Kazakhstan. In thinking about him (I think of our child as a boy because that is what we are hoping for), I also think a lot about Olivia and Claire and how they will adjust to a new sibling. He will be a new sibling to love and teach but also to share with their Mommy and Daddy. I worry about that. I also think about hubby, mostly that he is a great dad and that he is great with kids. I know he doesn't think about our child as much, I think it's just because we're wired differently. I focus on the day to day taking care of the kids and house maintenance whereas hubby has a long term focus and focuses on his job so he can provide for his family.

I have pictured in my head a little boy, not quite a baby, yet not old enough to be a toddler because I really can't imagine how old he is. I imagine he has dark hair and dark eyes and looks kind of like our daughters. Who knows maybe this kid will have blond hair like I had! Maybe he will look more like me than Olivia and Claire...lol! I have to tell you that I often feel sad when I think about him. I'm sad because I grieve that we weren't there for him when he first smiled, when his first tooth came in, and we weren't there when he needed to be comforted. I grieve that we won't know his parents' medical history. I think about this when I take the girls to their doctor because the questionnaires usually ask about the parents' health. I'm sad we won't be able to answer those kinds of questions. I also grieve that we won't have many baby pictures or perhaps none at all. There weren't many pictures of me as a baby so I made a point of taking lots of pictures of the girls (no, they are still not in albums, but hey...we took the pictures). I guess we will have to take lots and lots of number 3!

I also have been thinking about adjusting to having a 3rd child. That means we will have 3 car seats in our car, it will be harder to carpool. When he has adjusted to being a part of our family and we decide to go to perhaps...Disneyland, someone will have to ride Buzz Lightyear by themselves. We will always be an odd number, this new family of 5.

For about the first 6 months he is here, I know that we will be focusing on attachment and some people, friends and family, may not understand when we don't allow others to care for him or hold him. I hope people will learn that we are teaching him that we are his primary caretaker...we are his Mom and Dad and we are the ones that comfort him, provide him food, love him, etc. I know that this will be a joyous time in our life yet I will have some sadness in that I won't be able to be as active in the girls' schools as I was this year. I've been trying to think ahead to what life will be like and I think it might be hard to maintain a consistent routine with 3 children. This is why I signed Claire up for daycare at school since our school has half day Kindergarten. I was thinking this would allow naptime for child #3. I tried to sign Olivia up for daycare but she is currently #12 on the waiting list. I will miss the one on one time I've had with Claire and that I had with Olivia. I hope I will be able to carve out some special Mommy and me time with each of the girls.

And of course, I think about the excitement of visiting his country and meeting him for the first time. I think about all the happy times we will be able to share with him. Like the first time he goes to school. The first time we go to a zoo. The first time he tastes ice cream. Yes, we will get to experience a lot of firsts with him.

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