Little Brother

Nicholas did well during Olivia's party, I even got him a special gluten free, lactose free cupcake from Whole Foods that he gobbled up. He got so worn out by the excitement, he crashed on the floor after his bath!

Our Baby turned 8!

Olivia turned 8 on July 1st, time goes by so fast! We had her birthday party in June and it was decided she would have a Swim/Spa/Sleepover party with some of her friends. I wanted to keep it small so 5 of her friends were able to attend. Claire was allowed to invite a friend, too, to the party in the hopes they would occupy themselves. My thoughts were that the swimming would wear the girls out, the spa treatment would calm and soothe them, and they would fall asleep during the movie....WRONG! I guess they were so excited by everything, it was hard to settle them down. Everything went really well through the spa treatment (after pizza, cake and gifts), the girls just loved all the special treatment. I had a couple of young women home from college help out with the pedicure/manicure station. The girls were all a bit too tired which probably contributed to their mood as I was trying to settle them down. Fortunately no one ended up going home early and everyone woke up happy. If I did this again, I would send them home after the spa treatment!

One Year Ago Today

THEN!


I can't believe it was a year ago that my hubby and I were celebrating our 10 year anniversary in Almaty, Kazakhstan. It is the day we also started bonding with our son, Nicholas (then called Roma). He has been home 9 months and it has been filled with many challenges and many joys. He is teaching us about how the human spirit can overcome challenges and he continues to teach us about parenting! Some days and weeks can be rough when he is dysregulated and angry, then he can turn around and become so sweet and loving and joyful about life. I hope with time that we will see his sweet and funny personality more and more.

He is so bright! His speech and vocabulary amazes everyone when they find out he has only been here 9 months. Some people do not realize he was adopted internationally. He is always trying to figure out how things work. He will study a toy car's tire to see how it spins or as last night at Olivia's ballet recital, he was trying to figure out which lights were pointed to different points on stage. He is interested in books and words and is definitely pre-reading, although, he would rather build with blocks, or play a video game, or build guns or watch a movie. He is still very active, although I'm not sure he is hyperactive as he was diagnosed in Kazakhstan. Rather he is hypervigilent, especially in new situations and around new people.

The girls really love Nicholas and for Claire he has become a playmate. I have noticed recently that Nicholas wants to stay near me. When we went to the beach, he and Claire would play near the water for awhile while I watched and kept calling them to stay nearby. Then Nicholas wanted to dig in the sand but near me. He also comes to find me in the house to show me something or to see what I'm doing, I know this is a sign of him 'checking in' with me. We have developed a deep level of trust and I can tell he has bonded well with all of us. I think we are fortunate that he only spent about 10 months in the babyhouse, he must have bonded closely with his birthmother sometime before that.

He is a great little traveler. When we go on trips, he gets so excited and he is getting better about staying close to us when we go to places where there are crowds. Although he has gotten better, he is not at a place where he can go to Disneyland yet. The girls miss it since we used to go a lot, but maybe one of us can take the girls just for one day. We know Nicholas will love Disneyland, but it would be too much for him and too stressful for him (well, us, too) at this point. Hopefully within the next year we will see more improvement.

He has been in summer preschool at his same preschool but he had some difficulty with this transition. I think it was especially hard that his teacher left on vacation as he became attached to her. She was so good with him, but he will see her when school starts again. Although she is a fabulous preschool teacher, I think it will be good for him to have a different teacher. He needs to learn that he will have different people in his life and he will move on when he goes off to Kindergarten after another year of preschool.

With the end of the school year, hubby and I took a much needed weekend away together while his parents stayed with the kids. With that and the transition to summer preschool, Nicholas had a really hard time. The grandparents stayed for a few days and then left, but came back about a week later with the kids' cousin who stayed for several days. Nicholas got into trouble a lot at school for biting and hitting and one incident of spitting. We focused on what he can do when he gets mad and that he absolutely has to share and take turns. Maybe this was a step back, but things have gotten better again after our visitors left and he continues to move forward.

We are looking forward to having a fun summer of camps, trips and of just enjoying our backyard pool and playdates.

NOW!

Pictures from Easter 2010

Spring Break 2010

During part of spring break, we made a trip to the San Francisco Bay area. We had a great time at Pier 39 watching the sea lions that have returned. We also took a tour of the USS Jeremiah O'Brien Liberty Ship, something we may never have done if Nicholas wasn't with us. It was really interesting and we had fun exploring the working ship. After visiting the Bay area, we headed toward Monterey.



We all thoroughly enjoyed the Monterey Bay Aquarium. We would have gone to the beach, too, if it hadn't started raining in the afternoon.

6 months later

I'll be honest, the last 6 months have been very stressful for all of us as would be expected when bringing a new child into our family. I feel like we are all adjusting well though. Nicholas has been in preschool since the beginning of January and is loving it (me too :p). The girls have been keeping up with school, ballet, friends and Olivia started piano lessons again. It seems like we are all settling into our new life.

I think one of the biggest adjustments is just having 3 kids instead of 2, I'm just stretched more thin these days and I'm spending most of my time in a car driving here and there. Olivia is growing up fast and has had moments of extreme upset, and I know this will happen more often each year as she creeps up towards puberty.

Claire loves having a little brother...most of the time. He loves his sisters and it is wonderful to see him give them big hugs when we have to pick them up from school. Claire and Nicholas fight a lot, but when they are playing nicely together, it is really nice. She loves that he can go to the same Sunday school class. And Nicholas is learning a lot from everyone. What we can see so far is that he is bright and eager to learn, he is always asking 'Why?' these days...I mean all day. He wants to know how things work and why we do things or why we can't do things. He just has a lot to catch up on the emotional side of things. He sometimes acts like an infant, sometimes, like a toddler and sometimes his chronological age.

One of the things that has helped me is that I am learning to shift my way of thinking in parenting Nicholas. Giving consequences and threatening punishment does not work with Nicholas so I've been trying to follow Heather Forbes' Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control method of parenting. It takes a lot of work to shift my way of thinking but I think I have been successful with it. Her method is backed up by research of stress on the brain.

When I look at Nicholas, I am just amazed at his progress. He has a large vocabulary for someone only learning English for 6 months. He is happy and nowadays when he gets angry, he usually gets over it rather quickly especially when I can distract him. I am so glad we ended up telling our coordinator we were open to older children. When I think back to when we first met him in that first stressful week in Kazakhstan, I remember meeting him and feeling a connection with him. His smile was so cute and I could see he had the ability to be happy and I had the feeling he was a resilient little boy.

He is a really sweet boy and at school, I'm told he'll go check on a friend if he sees someone is hurt. He also readily apologizes if he accidentally (or on purpose) hurts someone while playing. Now, with his sisters....not so much... He is eager to please, especially with me. Sometimes it takes a little more work to get him to help clean up, but sometimes he jumps at the opportunity to help out. He is a really active little boy and seems a bit hyper to me, but it could just be his age and circumstances and he might calm down some more.

He still doesn't understand where he came from or what has happened to him. I try to talk about it and show him pictures from Kazakhstan when he is open to it. I want him to know where he is from and how he became a part of our family, I don't want him to think we were the ones that left him in an orphanage. One of my favorite children's book about adoption is called "A Mother for Choco". It really fits our situation. I highly recommend it to other Adoptive families, it would be good for a multi-ethnic family, single mom, or family.

Some of his favorites things include: cars, helicopters, airplanes, bouncing, sea animals, swimming, the park, play doh, a bit of drawing, digging, treasure hunts, watching tv (especially Mickey Mouse clubhouse and Little Einsteins) or dvds (Finding Nemo, Cars, Barbie Three Musketeers). That last might crack you up, but I think he likes the swashbuckling aspect of that movie, I don't think he cares about Barbie!

The Beach-February 2010

Valentine's weekend, we decided to make a trip down to L.A. I signed Nicholas up for a research study at UCLA, so my hubby decided to take advantage of this time and take the girls to the American Girl store for lunch and shopping. We also decided to hit the beach first and go to the La Brea tar pits on the last day. We first ended up in Malibu at Paradise Cove...a friend of mine recommended it. There's a cafe right on the beach, so you can play in the sand and surf while you wait for your table. It was fun! This was our first trip to the beach this year. Nicholas wanted to get right in and swim, the kid has no fear. He kept getting wetter and wetter as time passed on. Thankfully we had lots of extra clothes. We had so much fun!

An Extraordinary Life

So it's been 5 months that we've been home and there is really not alot to add from last month, things are about the same and they change daily! Mostly I am just very busy from 6:30am till about 8pm when the kids are ALL in bed sleeping soundly, then I veg out a while and maybe I'll get at least one thing done. It has been really hard to adjust to a family with 3 active kids and try and keep on top of all the activities, schoolwork, carpooling details and housework so I'm learning to let things go a bit. None of us are perfect.

I think I am making a turning point in my relationships with our kids, at least I am trying to improve our relationship. I also now understand when other adoptive parents who talk about how lucky they are to have their adopted child in their life. Sure Nicholas has a great life with us, but he has changed us forever and we continually learn about love. I feel so lucky he is with us and teaching us so much and I'm beginning to appreciate what an extraordinary life I am leading.

I'll leave you with this picture I took as Nicholas and I were walking through the UCLA campus on Valentine's Day:


It's all about LOVE my friends!!

A Visit to the Airport

No, we weren't planning to take a trip. A friend and I planned a special outing for our sons to visit the local airport. A friend of mine who is a pilot and used to work at the airport took us on a tour of the airport where the private and charter planes are housed. This was exciting because Nicholas likes anything that flies and would love to ride in an airplane again. I joke that the only reason he left Kazakhstan with us is so he could fly on an airplane!

Claire's tonsillectomy

Back in November Claire had surgery to remove her tonsils and adenoids. Her snoring became so bad I felt it was affecting her sleep. I was really nervous for our child to have anesthesia and surgery but I knew it would be beneficial to her health. The first couple of days were rough but she is a real trooper and bounced back really quick. She started eating soft foods about a day or 2 after the surgery. The surgeon said the tonsils and adenoids were really big. Her voice changed and has never been the same as before, her voice is a bit higher pitched and she doesn't sound nasally anymore. Right after surgery, I notice how quietly she slept, it was amazing. She has also been eating alot more and not complaining as much about her food. It must have been hard for her to swallow some things. I only had my old phone with me and took a couple of these post op pictures.

I'm glad I finally talked my hubby into staying home that day because she needed my constant care and Nicholas was still very demanding at that point. It was nice to give Claire my attention and baby her a little.

Some Firsts for Nicholas...

First hotel stay.

First family car trip.

First birthday party for his buddy, L, at My Gym. He LOVED it, it was a great place to bounce, jump, climb, run, catch bubbles, etc.

First day of preschool.

4 months update

Wow, I can't believe we have been a family of 5 for 4 months now and it's time for another update ( I will post pictures in a different post, after all, that's really why you check my blog, right???). The time has gone by fast. We are all doing well. Nicholas is very happy and has been really growing. He is now about a size 4, up from about a size 2 when we first met him. He looks so much healthier in relation to his age. He started preschool last week and will attend from 9am to 1pm Monday through Friday. He really likes his teacher and he had fun as they have things he enjoys during free play. He is also learning to follow direction and rules and how to play with other children.

Yesterday afternoon, after the girls finished their homework, Nicholas wanted to work on a perler bead project. This is an activity that really helps with fine motor skills, something he needs to improve. He kept asking for help over and over and since I was helping Olivia with her homework, I told him Claire could help. He didn't want Claire's help, he kept asking for me over and over to help. I finally told him he needed to start it, do as much as he can and then I would help. Well, I was astonished that he continued to stay focused on this task and finished all by himself! I am so proud of him. Claire also did a perler bead project and I'm so proud she even did a nice pattern on the flower instead of just random colors. Olivia (with just a little help from mom) made a Panda out of polymer clay for her teacher's birthday. It turned out really cute and she really did most of the work on it.

I am reflecting back on the last 4 months and to be honest, there have been difficult moments. The beginning was rough as I compare Nicholas to an alien having been dropped into our planet. Can you imagine being almost 4 and being taken away from everything you know even if it wasn't that great there? The food in your new home is all different, the language is all different, the rules are all different and you don't understand anything. All you know is this nice Mama and Papa are taking you for a plane ride and you will be living with them. And they are not always nice because they don't let you eat apples all day and they tell you 'no' a lot. Will you have to go back to the babyhouse? Why are you going for a ride in the car? What is going to happen next?

Everything was so new to Nicholas and in the beginning there were a lot of tantrums, I mean kicking, biting, spitting tantrums that lasted for a long time and often. There was also a lot of turning on and off of lights, discovering the refrigerator, stove, faucets, and other appliances. We had to really babyproof our house again, putting dangerous things away, decluttering, finding ways to lock up cabinets. I really worried about day to day things during the beginning, like how was I going to take a shower and get ready, what about taking the girls to and from school, getting to the grocery store, etc. In the beginning, I locked the door to our master bedroom and closed the girls's doors as there was still a lot of things he could get in to and we also had to make sure our house doors were childproof. I ended up taking a shower and getting ready in the kids bathroom while I had Nicholas watch a Baby Einstein video for about 20 minutes.

Now, he understands more of what his boundaries are and I think it was important to work not only on bonding but on boundaries and what is expected. We also had to teach him toilet 'etiquette', turning on/off lights, water, etc. while building our bond and trust with him. I feel so lucky that we had so many friends help us out in the beginning with offers of help with the girls, meals, offers of getting groceries for us. This is what we needed the most, more than new toys or clothes for Nicholas. We needed help just so we could focus on Nicholas and really be there for him during this huge transition for him.

It's so amazing to think back to 4 months and look at Nicholas now, playing happily by himself, happily sometimes with Claire, playing with his buddy, having fun experiencing new things like Christmas, parties, trips with a stay in a hotel, etc. He is just so happy. He is also a very sweet and loving boy. A parent from his school told me he accidentally kicked a ball in her chest as she walked through the playground and he ran up to her and told her 'Are you okay? I'm so sorry!'. There are still challenges as the times when he is defiant and tells us 'no' just to say 'no' but we are working on that. Hubby and I have had to struggle with parenting, adjust our strategy and it has been stressful but we love each other and our kids and we strive to make it all work. I feel lucky and blessed to have such a wonderful family, kids who want to contribute to our family, kids who who are eager to learn and who are loving and a husband who is involved and supportive of all of us. I also feel we are blessed to have so many friends, church friends, family and even strangers supporting us through their prayers for us.

Helping in the kitchen

I was inspired by another adoptive family who had their son help make truffles. I remember having Olivia help me in the kitchen when she was really young and it's always fun to see them experience something new, get messy, and enjoy helping. So I've started having Nicholas help me more in the kitchen so he feels a part of our family and also to learn practical skills, stirring, pouring, cutting, etc. I hope this will help him with some of his fine motor skills. Here are some pictures and video of the kids helping to make truffles in December.

First week back at school

Whew, the first week back at school is over. It was also Nicholas' first week at preschool. The girls were anxious to go back to school to see their friends and Nicholas was so excited to go to school like the girls. It was really tough with a new schedule even though I had about 2 hours to myself. It was really nice to have a little time to myself, but that time goes so fast.

January 2

We are leaving Sacramento after celebrating the New Year Japanese-American style with my hubby's extended family. We had an awesome trip! Truthfully, I was anxious about how the trip would go and how Nicholas would be on his first trip. I'm so glad we chose to stay in a hotel, it was nice for us to be all together and be able to get away from a lot of new people (for Nicholas). I cannot even begin to tell you how good it feels to have such a great trip, this really bodes well for our future trips and adventures.

On our trip, Nicholas kept saying, "I so happy", "Mama so happy", I think he had a really good time. I could see he did get overstimulated and didn't know what to do with himself sometimes. He was happy most of the time and especially enjoyed swimming at the hotel pool. Today, we took him to the train museum and he really liked it, except he kept saying 'oh, the trains are broke', I don't think he fully understands the concept of a museum.

As we make our trek back home, I can't help but remember this time last year when we went to the Secretary of State's office to apostille all of our documents for our dossier. While Nicholas was in a babyhouse halfway around the world, we were finishing up our paperwork and thinking about our son to be. Incredible.

Christmas 2009

The day began with many squeals of delight as the kids discovered all the goodies Santa left for them, including a letter thanking them for the cookies and milk. The kids loved everything they received from friends, family and 'Santa'. Nicholas really got into the knack of opening presents and was impatient to take turns opening gifts. It was a busy day because I was trying to cook a nice Christmas meal, but the kids needed help with some of the new toys or games. The day ended in tears and tantrums though as everyone became tired and overstimulated from the excitement of it all. It was still a wonderful Christmas, one we will not forget!

Here Comes Santa Claus...

Wednesday evening I heard about a boys baseball team having a fundraiser in which we could have pictures taken with Santa Claus. I thought about taking Nicholas to the Santa in the mall, but I really wanted to get a picture with all the kids. So Wednesday evening after dinner we headed over to a local shopping center. We walk up and Nicholas is so excited he can hardly contain himself. When it's our turn, he runs up to Santa, while shouting, 'Santa' and literally jumps into his lap. I was about to bawl right there to see Nicholas so excited. Olivia and Claire, on the other hand, nonchalantly walk up to Santa Claus and we get pictures with Santa. Nicholas starts talking very excitedly to the surprised Santa and I hear words like helicopter, toys, cars from Nicholas.


It was a wonderful moment and afterward the kids bought hot chocolate and cookies.

More pictures of the apartment in Almaty

Pictures of the inside of the apartment. As we open the door, the bathroom is directly in front. To the right was the kitchen, eating nook and continuing past that was the bedroom where we slept. If we made a left from the entrance, there was an extra room which is where Nicholas slept and played. There was a TV which offered a wide variety of shows in Russian. Occasionally we came across American cartoons in English or the discovery channel.

Bathroom:
Extra room (a.k.a Nicholas' bedroom and playroom)
Our bedroom:
Kitchen:
Eating nook:
The apartment was comfortable enough. The kitchen was fairly equipped with a handful of pots and pans and utensils, plates, cups. There was a small but adequate refrigerator. There was a microwave, stove and oven. I wish we had brought more tupperware type containers. I ended up buying a set there and it was pricey. I never could figure out the oven, so I just cooked everything on the stove or in the microwave. There was no washer and dryer so one night I washed some things in the tub and we used a clothing line and clothespins (which I brought) to hang the clothes. We also used plastic hangers, these actually came in handy on all our trips as there wasn't enough in the hotel to hang everything and we used these to dry clothes, too. All the things I had read about the towels were true, they were a bit rough and worn. I don't remember the sheets as too uncomfortable despite everything I read about the sheets .

Our apartment was in a really great location near most everything. It was close to the Silkway mall, there was a small grocery store nearby and the Green Market was about a 20 minute walk. The walk to Panfilov park was about 20 minutes but it seemed longer when we had Nicholas with us. The Mamma Mia restaurant was around the corner from the apartment. It was also pretty close to TSUM otherwise called The Central Department Store which has a great selection of souvenirs on the very top floor.

Entering our apartment in Almaty

Notice the difference in the various height between steps? We saw that all over the city and forget being accessible to people with wheelchairs, etc. We were on the top floor, no elevator, I think it was the 4th or 5th floor.