It's hard to keep up with this blog

I find so many other blogs much more interesting and I don't know if I have the heart or interest to keep this up.

I will try an update on the kids and our life. We had a wonderful spring this year. The kids have all been doing well in school (mostly the girls). Nicholas is sharp but has other issues which we haven't totally pinned down, I mean we have only known him for 2 years!

His counselor diagnosed him ADHD and an OT (occupational therapist) 'diagnosed' him with SPD (sensory processing disorder). I put that last one in quotes because it is not an official diagnosis in the diagnostic manual. He finished a social skills class called 'Dinosaur school' through the guidance clinic we go to and it was wonderful, it was based on 'The Incredible Years'. It made a huge difference for him in public situations, at home and at school. We also did a few sessions of OT which has helped us to figure out tools to help him. I have since read 'The Out of Sync Child' and similar books...great resources! To be truthful, we are missing a huge chunk of time with him and his early experiences were clearly deprived and not nurturing. We just can't put him in a box and we hope that he will not fall through the cracks in school.

Summer is here and with it, summer camps, dance rehearsals (and recitals), piano recitals and our BIG trip to Texas. I must be insane! The day after the girls' dance performance, we are hitting the road. We are driving to Texas for a 4 week vacation. You can see why I am insane, what am I thinking?! It will take us 3 days of easy driving (read 8 hours of driving while the kids ask 'how much longer' every 20 minutes) to reach Texas. Hubby will drive with us there...whew, thank goodness! He will spend part of the time with us but will have to fly back and work. He will fly back to drive with us back home.

Truly the kids are excellent travelers and it sure helps that we can have movies, games, snacks in the car. Our plan is to spend about a week in the Dallas area, then the kids and I will caravan down to Austin with friends where we will spend about 5 days. We will then return to Dallas for the 4th of July weekend, spend more time in Dallas and Fort Worth, then off to Houston for a long weekend. We will finish off the rest of our trip in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. I will let you know if I survive!

After our BIG trip, the kids will start right away with VBS (Olivia), guitar camp(Claire) and summer preschool (Nicholas-3 weeks). Olivia will also be going to church camp for a week, exciting and nerve-wracking for me. Then it will just be a few more weeks till school starts.

Stay tuned...

A few recent pictures of the kids...

What's up!

I get on here dozens of times but just can't seem to find the right thing to post. I do want to update so no one thinks we fell off the face of the earth!

This week is turning out to be a beautiful spring-like week. We have been spending time outside. It's especially nice now that I recovered from a bad cold. It sucks being sick when you have 3 kiddos to take care of and shuttle around town. Thankfully hubby helped out some so I could try to rest.

Life in our house is good, occasionally there are some more difficult days, but isn't that normal? Sometimes we struggle with Claire's angst over being the middle child, we often hear "Nobody loves me" regardless of how often we tell her we love her very much. Sometimes we struggle with Olivia's need for growing independence. It's really hard to see your kid grow up and not need you as much but they need to learn some things on their own.

Lately, I've been reading "The Winter of our Disconnect...", that's right Disconnect and it's prompted me to start our own experiment. I decided the kids would not have any screen time during the school week, Monday through Thursday. This means no TV, no computer and no video games. I try not to watch TV till the kids are in bed. I have to say, it's been really nice, somehow the kids find something to do among our gazillion toys, games, art supplies, etc. They play together well and use their imagination. It even prompted the girls to become more interested in knitting (for a short time).

I can't leave out an update for Nicholas. He is doing well, some days really great and some days are more challenging. We've been seeing the dermatologist and the allergist quite a bit. He has been on a gluten free diet since the past summer due to some digestive issues, it seems he might have a gluten intolerance. We found out he is mildly allergic to many things so we had to put him on daily allergy medication and additional Benadryl when needed. He also has sensitive skin, has had eczema on his hands and his scalp. Since he has been home, we have been fighting with some warts on his hands. He had one on his palm but after continuing to put his hands in his mouth, they spread some on his hands and his face.

He recently finished his social skills class through the local child guidance clinic. He was diagnosed with ADHD so now we are working to get an IEP through the school hopefully. He is eager to learn but I can see he often has a difficult time focusing and staying on task and he is constantly on the move. We also saw an OT and it seems he could have SPD as well, that is sensory processing disorder. I'm currently reading 'The Out of Sync Child' to get some tips. I think he will do well with right kind of assistance.

Nicholas recently lost 2 teeth around the same time as Claire. He just learned to ride a 2-wheel bike and quickly caught on. He has also been able to build with Lego's really well. He can build a small set with just some prompting and some reminders to follow the instructions. It's amazing to remember how just a year and a half ago he could barely draw a scribble!

Key Largo, FL for winter holidays

We spent a couple of days in Key Largo, FL during the winter break. It was so nice to have family time together at a place that was relaxing.

Another Kaz meetup!

I forgot about meeting the Cech family for the 2nd time back in November. We met up at Fairytale Land in Sacramento. It was so nice because the girls had someone to play with too. It was so nice to talk to other parents going through similar issues. The kids all had fun and we got some great pictures.

Kaz meetups

In 2010 we were fortunate to meetup with other families who also adopted from Kazakhstan. Here are some pictures. These first couple of pictures are taken in Texas when we had the pleasure of meeting Ryland and his parents, he had just arrived home. We hope we can meet up with them again and see how much he has changed. They were all so kind.



Here is a family we met in California. Although their Nikko is from Japan, the boys were adopted around the same age and time. I think they have an instant bond. Their oldest daughter is from Kazakhstan and the youngest daughter is from Japan like Nikko. It was so wonderful to connect with a family who also adopted an 'older' child from another country. I hope we continue to build our friendship!

I dedicate this post to my BIO friends.

For those of you that have no clue what I'm writing about, I am referring to an extraordinary group of women. Many of us met online around the beginning of 2004 when we were pregnant. I found out I was pregnant with our 2nd child on February 14, 2004 and came across an internet message board of other women pregnant at the same time. I think we were on a Due in October board. We eventually became the Born In October 2004 message board, although some of the children were born in September or November or even others who came later and didn't even have a child born in the same year.

Yes, we have had some weirdos stalk our forum and some drifted away but we have had a few new ones join through friends. Many have had difficult times with a death of a dear one, losing a job, getting divorced, very ill children but we have remained together supporting each other through these times and the joyous times. Learning about the children making friends, going to school, new siblings,etc. I have personally met several of these wonderful ladies and it amazes me how we are instant friends even though it is the first time we met in person. I guess you would say we have developed a special 'cyber' bond! I just wish more of us could meet in person.

I recently met up with 2 of these ladies when we travelled up north. It was so wonderful to spend time together and our husbands even enjoyed each others' company. I can't believe I met up with one of these ladies at the Oakland zoo 6 years ago in 2004 when we were pregnant. We had a few things in common including daughters named 'Olivia'!

BIO 2004 moms, you are the best!

More pictures from fall 2010

Making a volcano.

Local county fair.

Cotillion 2010

Peaceful

Santa Barbara zoo

Fall is flying by!

I just don't seem to have as much time as I used to, gee, I wonder why?! In October we celebrated birthdays of our youngest 2. Nicholas had a My Gym party with a few friends. While it was not a disaster, it was a bit stressful because Nicholas still has a hard time with group structured activities. He did love the free play time and having all the attention. He has been on a gluten free diet since the summer so we ended up ordering a cupcake birthday cake and I made some gluten free cupcakes and was able to use extra frosting to stick one in for him.

Claire celebrated her 6th birthday with a special tea party for several friends. She had been asking for this kind of party for at least 2 years so she thoroughly enjoyed her party, big smiles the whole time!
Halloween 2010

Santa Barbara zoo

The girls are doing great in school, they received glowing remarks from their teachers at the end of the first quarter. Claire needs to improve her handwriting and her talking (too much), but overall, her teacher said she is doing great. Olivia is a model student and growing up too fast. Nicholas is improving so much, we owe much of this to his weekly social skills class and lots of hard work.

'Meant to be....'

One Year Ago

Today

I have wanted to write so much about the past year but life is so much busier (and richer) now. It's also just so hard to put into words all my thoughts. I came up with the title of this post based on something Claire told me on the way home from Texas. We were somewhere in New Mexico or Arizona staying one night in a hotel. We were swimming in the pool and Claire says to me “Mama, you know, Nicholas and I were meant to be brother and sister. We’re good brother and sister even if he wasn’t in your tummy.” Wow, isn’t that awesome?!

Exactly a year ago, we were arriving in America with one of its newest citizens, Nicholas Roma. I go back and look at those pictures and Nicholas looks so different. He just looks so shell shocked. Now, the first 6 months especially were very challenging with him, but he is doing so well and is so happy. I think he is resilient and a testament to how the human spirit can overcome a difficult start in life.

I will never forget the first day we came together as a family on September 12, 2009. All 3 of us were so jetlagged, but especially Nicholas. We arrived home to an empty house after the drive from LA. Nicholas was amazed at everything in our house and kept saying 'spaseeba' (thank you)over and over. At one point he was searching through the house while asking a question in Russian or Kazakh. He broke down in his room and all I could do was try to rock him and soothe him although we were trying to learn how we could best comfort him. It is so much different with an adopted child than a bio child. I managed to soothe him a bit and it was about this time that our friends arrived with our girls.

Well, when they arrived with their bags, Nicholas ran out to greet them on our walkway and hugged Claire like they were long lost brother and sister. Unfortunately I totally missed this special moment. He was so happy to see the girls, maybe he was worried he would be by himself. I can't imagine what was going through his mind and body when he first arrived. He is just so young to really comprehend what is happening. He started showing all the toys to the girls as if they were arriving for the first time, too, it was the funniest thing to see him say 'smotree' (look) and show all the toys. Claire kept saying 'I know that'!

In the very beginning, he was like a wild thing just getting into everything, throwing toys, overflowing the toilet, burning his fingers on the hot stove, exploding in tantrums, biting/kicking/spitting while I was trying to restrain him but at the same time he was amazed at new things like toys, airplanes in the sky, so much food, new foods like strawberries, tacos, sandwiches, fun parks, etc. At first he was stubborn about learning English and insisted on calling an airplane 'samolyot'. Of course, he had to learn English and he did learn so quickly!

Physically, Nicholas is very healthy. He has had some digestive issues as well as some other symptoms, though. This summer he went to an allergist who determined through a blood test that he is either allergic or has an intolerance to gluten. The doctor recommended a gluten/lactose free diet and since then he has not had the runny nose he used to have. In the past year he has grown at least 7 inches and put on about 4-5 pounds.

He has changed so much over the year he has been here, not just physically but also emotionally. More of his true personality emerges with time. Deep down we can see he is a caring and sweet boy. He truly wants to please us and is willing to learn. Every morning he is happy for another day and he enjoys going to preschool. He usually greets his teacher with big hugs and starts his day at school at full speed.

I am so glad we made the decision to send him to preK again this year as opposed to Kindergarten (in CA he would be eligible for Kindergarten since he turns 5 before December 1st). He is learning lots of social skills and enjoying more play time. I know he will not be as stressed to start Kindergarten in 2011 and will not have to struggle to catch up.

He has learned so much about living in America, a new language, living in a family, etc. He is not the only one to learn, as I feel like I have learned so much. I've learned about unconditional love, I've learned about real parenting, I've learned about dysregulation and regulation and I've learned about the resiliency of children. And I've learned how, oh, how different boys are from girls. It's a whole other world!

During our challenges, I have tried to access all the resources I could find. I've relied on other adoptive parents, adoption and parenting books, our pastor, counselors and friends. We are lucky Nicholas qualified for the 0-5 years program at a local guidance clinic. He just began a weekly social skills class based on 'The Incredible Years' curriculum for early intervention. I think we have also been fortunate that he has had 2 really great teachers at his preschool. Nothing can completely prepare you for this journey but for adoptive parents out there, keep an open mind, read different types of adoption books, learn about attachment parenting, talk to other adoptive parents.

We are definitely settling into our new normal and can't imagine our lives any different!

Summer Fun 2010

Wow, the summer flew by. We had a busy and fun summer. Nicholas started summer school at his preschool, the girls finished off the academic year with performances in their ballet school’s Gala, the girls also did some summer day camps with friends and the girls attended VBS at a friend’s church. For the 4th of July holiday, we made our usual trip up to Sacramento to spend time with extended family. We also had the pleasure of meeting another adoptive family who had adopted 3 children from Asia including an older boy about Nicholas’ age. We met at a park and it was so nice for the kids to have kids to play with and it felt like we had that instant bond that adoptive families have, especially those that adopt ‘older’ kids.





The summer started off well with lots of activity and lots of swimming. Swimming lessons were in order for Nicholas but it turned out he is half fish and he learned to swim really quickly. We did have some challenges with Nicholas when he started back to summer school. He had a really hard time with the transitions of one teacher leaving, changing classrooms, new class, etc. Also, hubby and I took a much needed weekend away to the coast while Grandma and Grandpa stayed with the kids. This was also the first week for Nicholas to meet Grandma and Grandpa in person. We thought he might be expelled from preschool due to some aggression, fortunately the school staff was patient and understanding of our situation and Nicholas was able to attend 2 sessions as we planned.

By mid July we were packing our bags and getting ready for our ‘annual’ trek across the Southwest so we could spend 3 weeks in Texas. We had a great time and Nicholas did better than I ever expected. We spent one night in Amarillo with my dear friend, D, then headed for the Big ‘D’ to spend some quality time with hubby’s family. Some of his family had never met Nicholas in person. It was so much fun to see all the little cousins playing together. One morning all the girls made a special shopping trip to the American Girl store while the boys went the airplane museum near Love Field. While in Dallas, we spent time with family and a few friends. We also had the pleasure of meeting a family who had just brought their almost 5 year old home from Kazakhstan. I’m sure it was confusing for him but he was a sweet boy and I hope we get to see them the next time we travel to Texas. We also visited Houston and Austin; we enjoyed time with dear friends, swimming, and museums. On the way home, we stopped at Carlsbad Caverns and enjoyed a long hike into the dark caverns.

All in all, we had a wonderful trip, we wanted to go home yet 3 weeks was not enough time to enjoy all the swimming, fun times with friends, Blue Bell ice cream, Tex Mex food, etc. Nicholas did really well during the trip and had a good time and can't wait to go to Grandpa and Grandma's again.






More pictures to come later...

Little Brother

Nicholas did well during Olivia's party, I even got him a special gluten free, lactose free cupcake from Whole Foods that he gobbled up. He got so worn out by the excitement, he crashed on the floor after his bath!

Our Baby turned 8!

Olivia turned 8 on July 1st, time goes by so fast! We had her birthday party in June and it was decided she would have a Swim/Spa/Sleepover party with some of her friends. I wanted to keep it small so 5 of her friends were able to attend. Claire was allowed to invite a friend, too, to the party in the hopes they would occupy themselves. My thoughts were that the swimming would wear the girls out, the spa treatment would calm and soothe them, and they would fall asleep during the movie....WRONG! I guess they were so excited by everything, it was hard to settle them down. Everything went really well through the spa treatment (after pizza, cake and gifts), the girls just loved all the special treatment. I had a couple of young women home from college help out with the pedicure/manicure station. The girls were all a bit too tired which probably contributed to their mood as I was trying to settle them down. Fortunately no one ended up going home early and everyone woke up happy. If I did this again, I would send them home after the spa treatment!